“How do you do that?” Emphasis on the “How”!
I have read for years that the fear of public speaking outranks the fear of death.
How can that be?
Is fear of public speaking really about something dire happening to us or is it more about being in the spotlight or being rejected.
My high school speech class taught me several things.
First, I didn’t know I could sweat so much while not doing anything physical.
And second, I didn’t know how my teacher or anyone else could hear my words since my heart was beating so loud.
I was both terrified and intrigued. Intrigued at the physiology of this fear and because I saw other classmates who seemed to be natural orators. What was their secret?
After high school, I didn’t pursue standing in front of an audience formally, but my jobs led me to staff briefings, training small groups and occasionally presenting at conferences in front of larger audiences.
My heart was still hammering away, my knees knocking and my palms sweating but I was able to do it.
Why? Because along the way I learned to meditate.
Specifically, I learned breathing techniques that made me able to calm myself (for the most part). I also had a mentor that helped take the sting out of public speaking.
My mentor took me to many presentations and had me evaluate the speeches and speakers. It showed me that styles vary and we can learn techniques, but it is the content that we should put our focus on.
Yes, doing quirky things can make speeches memorable, but making sure your content gets across is key.
My mentor also shared a tip that became an affirmation for me. She said to remind yourself that you have something to share that will help someone else. This simple statement gave me the resolve to stand in front of a group and to look at speaking as a way of serving others.
Later I joined Toastmasters International. Many who fear public speaking join Toastmasters with the goal of overcoming fears and polishing their speaking skills for work or social situations.
Toastmasters gives you the opportunity to practice in a safe environment and receive constructive feedback. I highly recommend it!
During this time I learned another powerful affirmation that worked well with my meditation and breathing techniques.
It is from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh…
“Breathing in I calm my body and mind. Breathing out I smile.”
This simple affirmation used before presenting or when pausing during a speech instills a sense of calm and purpose for me.
It isn’t only being in front of a group and speaking that can cause anxiety. We often avoid or get stressed in other environments.
For instance, as a new hospice volunteer going through training, I asked “How do you do that?” to each and every presenter. I couldn’t picture myself being calm in the face of another person’s grief and anxiety.
What do you say or how do you act with someone in their final days? What do you say to a mother whose adult son is days away from dying?
It took some time but the concept of being of service to another is what kept me going. In situations like hospice, you learn the value of being a calm presence, a neutral person of compassion. You are there to offer support, often in silence.
I learned how to “be” vs how to “do” by observing hospice staff and other volunteers.
I saw how patients and family members responded to someone who was in the moment, neutral, and still. Meditation, prayer and the affirmations mentioned earlier helped me tremendously.
Public speaking and being comfortable enough around death and dying to be of help are both areas that are now woven into the fabric of my life. I’m grateful for the experiences along the sometimes bumpy road that have led me to this point.
Looking back on your life, where have you seen growth?
What tools or techniques have helped you to rise above what might otherwise have held you back?
Please share your insights and experience in the comments section below. We’d love to hear your thoughts.
Peace is in Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
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